It’s been a while since I updated you about how life goes, so let’s catch up.
I think I mentioned that the boys and I moved to North Carolina to live with Mr. Boyfriend. So, that’s been an adjustment. Living with someone is hoot, learning their schedule, mixing your stuff, trying to integrate your quirks with theirs, but all in all I can’t complain. I like co-habitating. There’s a certain freedom in being the lady of your own house, with you family. I think not being at my parents house and trying to meet their expectations has taken a lot of the pressure off of being a mom, and just life in general. It’s wild the psychological strain we put on ourselves.
But, I digress.
This is supposed to be about being a stay at home mom, not my psychological issues.
But, not gonna lie, this stay at home mom situation is giving me new and even more interesting issues.
As you may remember, I recently graduated from law school and I’m trying to be a lawyer, so you may ask, why are you a S.A.H.M.?
And, long story short, I haven’t found a job and the Mr. has a good enough job to support us until I find something. Plus, I have been taking the time to really engage with my kids, When Master was an infant I was in law school so I really couldn’t take the time off to spend with him. With Majesty, I’m able to disconnect from work and spend the time with him and I really want to.
That being said, I am kind of struggling.
Let me set the stage. Mr. works everyday, 8-4. Fat Fat (my oldest) is in daycare from 7:30-6. Long Bean (the baby) and I are home together. Since the Mr. works, I take care of stuff around the house, cooking, cleaning, housewife stuff.
I always thought I would enjoy that life, keeping house, raising my kids and taking care of my man. It’s starting to look like I am not.
Things that are probably a regular part of S.A.H.M life are so frustrating to me. Like I clean up in the morning after the big boys leave and when they get home everything is messy again.
How do you keep from getting discouraged from that? When you do thing all day and when you go to bed at night everything you did is undone. It’s really tough.
I think one of the things about being a Type-A personality and having been constantly driven to succeed my whole life is that I need to feel like I’m accomplishing something, if that makes sense. I need a reward for my efforts, something that legitimizes what I do. When you have a job, you make something, something is produced, at the end of the day you can point to what you have done all day and have evidence that you worked. I don’t get that as a S.A.H.M. If I put away all of Fat Fat’s toys during the day while he’s at school, she’s just going to throw them all around the house when he gets home.
It’s hard to not be discouraged when at the end of your day you have nothing to show for all your efforts.
I hope this doesn’t come across as whining. I recognize how lucky I am to have the option to be a S.A.H.M, to be financially secure, to have a supportive partner. And I am grateful for it.
My problems are my own, in my own head. And I’m working on them. I have been taking time for myself, little things like showering and doing a skincare routine. I have been giving myself some slack, I think I was holding myself to an impossible standard. It’s ok if there a dishes in the sink when I go to bed, if that’s what I need to take care of myself. I have been making time for my hobbies, knitting and sewing and planning an
I haven’t quite come to terms with my stay at home mom situation, I think it’s something I will be struggling with for a while, but that’s ok.
I don’t know if anybody else is living the same life, or just feel frustrated and overwhelmed by the life that their living, but I’m right there with you. Keep your head up and keep struggling on, and I’ll do the same.